Would you ever look at your partner and feel disconnected both physically and emotionally? All of us understand that creating a connection takes some time and effort. Additionally it needs a willingness to open up and be vulnerable with each other.
With this lives being high in endless to-do lists, work duties, and family responsibilities, you may be wondering how you’re supposed to carve out amount of time in your schedule to work with your relationship. We have two words for you: pillow talk.What is pillow talk?
“Pillow talk is an intimate, authentic, unguarded conversation occurring between two lovers,” explains Alisa Ruby Bash, PsyD, LMFT.
Bash says this kind of safe, loving, genuine connection and communication usually occurs during intercourse or while cuddling. Additionally it may happen before or after sex with a partner, but sex doesn’t need to be area of the equation.
Allen Wagner, LMFT, who specializes in couples and relationships, says these conversations often don’t involve eye contact, which enables you to speak more unconsciously, unaware of the nonverbal cues of one’s partner. One of the reasons pillow talk works, he says, is really because it provides for more in-depth conversations without self-censorship.
For a few people, this kind of conversation might occur naturally, however for others, it may be tougher to open up. We’ll give some guidance on the best way to obtain the conversation — and intimacy — flowing. Pillow talk vs. talking dirty
While talking dirty during foreplay and sex can result in a heightened experience and more intimate time along with your partner, it’s not similar thing as pillow talk. “Pillow talk is more emotionally intimate and vulnerable,” explains Wagner.
You’ll experience pillow talk frequently before or after sex when you and your partner are relaxed and comfortable. Bash highlights that the focus of pillow talk is on positive and uplifting communication that brings people closer.
“It’s far more about enhancing emotional intimacy and creating a safe environment, which could enhance sex as well,” she adds. Bash explains that after both partners feel emotionally safe, understood, and connected, sex becomes more loving, and better, in general. Although it may be sensual or centered on sexuality, Bash says pillow talk doesn’t occur during sex.
Talking dirty is strictly used to enhance sexual activity and is usually more explicit and sexually charged and exciting. “Talking dirty can improve the act of sex, if and when both partners are comfortable and aroused by it,” says Bash. Exactly what do pillow talk do for your relationship?
If your sex life doesn’t look like it’s happening lately, you may be wondering if pillow talk can help boost your activity in the bedroom. The short answer is yes, it can.
“Pillow talk ultimately makes both partners feel just like they could put their guard down and feel closer, which increases passion for one another as well as self-love,” says Bash.
Since most pillow talk happens when you’re lying down, relaxed, and cuddling, Bash says it’s common to see a growth in oxytocin, the bonding love hormone. This hormone naturally helps two different people feel close and connected and helps foster feelings of being in love.
Ultimately, says Bash, pillow talk helps stabilize a relationship. “It may be the bridge between casual sex and falling in love, since our emotional connection is ultimately what makes a couple stay together and feel in love with each other,” she adds.
But it’s not only the before-sex pillow talk that enhances a connection: Everything you do and say after matters equally as much, if not more. In reality, a 2014 study Trusted Source showed that snuggling, talking, and caressing all contribute to raised sex and an increased rating of relationship satisfaction. Examples of pillow talk
Still uncertain what pillow talk involves? Our experts share some examples that you and your partner can use as starting points:
- talking about everything you love about one another
- sharing dreams for the future, travel and adventure, and things you intend to try as a couple
- recalling special moments, like when you first fell in love
- talking about fears that require comforting
- reminding one another of one’s love
- sharing positive attributes and gestures that could help your partner feel safer and more confident
- recognizing the importance of things from your past
To get going, Wagner says that couples have to sometimes plan for these things. “As a couples counselor, I often suggest a planned conversation for 10 minutes, where you cannot speak about issues along with your relationship, your job, your friends (or their relationships), kids, other family unit members, politics, social media marketing, etc.,” explains Wagner.
He sees this as a time to go back to who you was previously and figure out what moved you, what fed you, and everything you aspired for as a couple.
Although intimacy may be scary for a lot of, especially in the first stages of a connection, Bash says it’s the most crucial way we maintain long-lasting relationships. Some ways to simply help are to:
- look into each other’s eyes
- reassure your partner
Also, Bash says that revealing our personal insecurities could be a smart way to begin.